Struggling to be happy for others when youre not happy with yourself is completely normal. This phrase has been a cornerstone for both me and my partner over the years. WebAnother reason to be happy when your friend is more successful than you is because your attitude ultimately makes the difference. If you want to be remarkable, you must constantly challenge yourself and surround yourself with remarkable people. We can say that we will be happy to see our friends do well for themselves and acquire great achievement, but the fact of the matter is that we all get a little jealous. Required fields are marked *. Without Fail and Entrepreneur On Fire are two of my favorite podcasts where people are open about their failures. Hemingway is a testament to the fact that innate talent alone does not equal success. These are among the most common culprits of people not following through on their goals and, as a result, falling short of their potential. If youre anything like me, this will almost be physically painful. Have you ever tried to figure out what you want for dinner, and you felt meh about the options? Its impossible to find anyone whos entirely self-madewe all rely on and benefit from the presence of other people. Have you ever tried to fake a happy reaction when someone told you something that actually made you feel insanely envious? Sometimes, if you cant drum up a particular emotion for someone, its because something inside you is telling you not to. You would want the same behavior in return. What part of your friends internship do you most envy their opportunity to go meet new people, the chance to put it on their resume, or the desire to be mentored? They will make an impact because of a successful network of driven peers who provide both inspiration and healthy competition. Friends Not all envy is bad. The sting of these unfavourable events is too much for many to stomach. I dont want to apologize for my success or say I just got lucky, cause I at least feel like I worked somewhat hard to get here. Ugh, I feel you! These can include past traumas, current difficulties, and resentment toward that person for things theyve done to you, just to name a few. My partner and I are both quite physical, so we might go a few rounds with the boxing bag, chop some wood, or go for a run. If, for example, your co-worker cant do happy hour with the rest of the team because they have to pick up their children, be open to suggesting ideas that happen during the workdaysay, substituting happy hour for lunch at your favorite restaurant. Its an ugly thing, but its very human, and it can be overcome. Your Friend Is Trying To Undermine Your Success #1: They minimize your feelings. While you should never belittle someone for not having a certain kind of job or believe that they are somehow less deserving or assume they work less hard than you do you should also not look at your own professional achievements as somehow being against anyone. How am I supposed to face these rejections and maintain my friendships? All Rights Reserved | Contact Us | Advertise | Privacy Policy, 10 No Bullsh*t Ways To Be Happy For Others, Speak to an accredited and experienced therapist to help you if you struggle to feel happy for others. His company, Groupe Weyi, works with villagers in Central Africa to create lasting change through fair trade of resources. They frequently try to outdo or one-up you. This cup of coffee Im drinking is absolutely perfect, but it will be finished in a few minutes, and Ill never have one exactly like it again. Simply. All that said, its important to remember two things: you deserve to feel proud of yourself (and to not feel guilty), and you deserverespect from the people you love and respect yourself. When people tell me their good news or great fortune, Im happy for themon the surface. Do any emotions show up more than once? (more), Every setback or failureregardless of how negative the situationcarries with it an equal advantage, Failure, setbacks, and rejections. My feelings are valid.. Mediocrity hates excellence. Your friend may be happy for you but is in such a low state they just can't express it. While it may be tempting to say all of the above, the truth is that the more you can clarify what this loss represents to you, the more youll know what matters most to you moving forward. I dont think Id be able to do that.". The best way to get over feeling sad about someone elses success is to bring your attention back to your own life. Consider what Buddha said about unwanted thoughts: Ask yourself this, do these thoughts serve me? If they dont, let them go. (anger or frustration), Do I feel like Im in danger? Click here if youd like to learn more about the service BetterHelp.com provide and the process of getting started. Thats amazing. Happy Speak to an accredited and experienced therapist to help you if you struggle to feel happy for others. Regardless of whether you are a recent college graduate, just obtained a two-year associate degree from a vocational school, or did neither and are about to enter the workforce straight out of high school, if I could tell you one thingaside from be willing to work your ass off, it would be this: All you need to know to be at the. That if you feel any of these lower frequency emotions, then you must be the problem, rather than whatever is causing those feelings. Help him placate an angry client? Heres how: Whats key is how you choose to act afterward. Follow the professors or leaders youre excited to study under on LinkedIn. Brenton Weyi is a writer and social entrepreneur with an expertise in creating social movements through business and encouraging inspiration through writing. If we care about the people hurting us, we owe them a chance to make it right in an adult way, but that means we have to say something. Even when its tough, tell people, Congrats. I know, it can feel difficult. Toxic friends will never be happy for your success. The more we overlook, minimize, or disqualify our own accomplishments, the more hearing of a friends success can lead to feelings of jealousy, envy, frustration, or worry, all of which can make it more difficult to be supportive and present, Kirmayer said. Almost every quality of great leaders can be overdone and its polar opposite can be needed on occasion (except for integrity). The man took that advice to heart. Do I feel a sense of loss? Do you truly want to be happy for your ex? 5 Reasons People Rain on Your Parade When You're I receive a commission if you choose to purchase anything after clicking on them. Friends Handle Your Family's Resistance To Your Growing Success A loving family member? Shes fond of going for a swim and screaming underwater, which is apparently quite cathartic. Quite often, its best to aim for peace with the situation youre dealing with, whatever it is, rather than forcing yourself to feel something that you dont. Hold You Back From Success This is basically gaslighting the one whos hurt by implying that their reaction to being abused is whats wrong, rather than the abuse itself. Every emotional experience is an opportunity for you to gather information about your deep-seated needs and desires and eventually, use that information to guide your actions. Remember their struggles and how much difficulty theyve had up until now. If youre not happy for someone because you feel a wave of concern or worry for them, check in with yourself to see if thats a valid response, or if its jealousy. If not, why arent you? The way you talk to yourself might be your biggest hurdle. Not that she said any of this to meshe just gave me heartfelt congratulationsbut by thinking about all this to herself, her excitement felt more genuine and she didnt have to deal with her jealous side. Feel Happy About My Friend's Success Seek out people on your level who are able to be happy for other peoples success. How often have you heard that something great has happened to someone else, and instead of being happy for them, your instant response was jealousy? Have they been a kind and supportive friend? Not being able to be happy for We all want to be amazing. These people are undoubtedly brewing high hopes and arriving with a head full of dreams. Most of us want to be happy for our friend's successes. What company benefits are most important to you? They can help you to explore your thoughts and feelings and work on those things that stand in the way of your happiness for others. Listen to daily meditations and discuss how youre practicing self-care with a supportive community. See our affiliate disclosure for more info. Furthermore, focus on something that requires a fair amount of concentration. Quora - A place to share knowledge and better understand the world Be discerning with whom you open up to, as there are many who would capitalize and exploit your suffering for their questionable benefit. Needless to say not only did I get an interview, 3 weeks later I was offered this (somewhat) prestigious job. At its core, envy is just the recognition that you want something that you lack or that others have. Required fields are marked *, Notify me of followup comments via e-mail. That said, envy isnt something to be ashamed about. How am I supposed to face these rejections Ask an Expert: Im Jealous of My Friends Successes. How Do I (more). Lets say you had an intense romantic relationship with someone. Id recommend either a private one-on-one, or, perhaps easier, writing an email/letter so you can gather your thoughts in as clear and non-accusatory a way as possible, and give him time to consider it on his end. Which brings me to this weeks question, which is also all about friendships, and how to navigate one of the more awkward parts of it. (embarrassment, awkwardness, or disappointment). That amazing body theyve worked so hard to achieve will change again in a few years. Career success can have a Here Are 9 No Bullsh*t Bits Of Advice! and head of Content SEO at HubSpot. For example, when I told her Id published an article in a prestigious magazine, she remembered all the times shed given me feedback on my work or helped me choose topics. Firstly, it will allow you to differentiate between the people who are actually your friends and those who arent better. Heres a list of 9 different types of toxic friends that arent worth your energy and time on, and who do not deserve your good-natured care and support. Have they been dealing with depression? Here, a few tips to help you out. And now theres an expectation for you to express similar joy and support for them too. We understand that we should be happy for our friends, and the fact is that we are happy but we also sort of hate them for being able to do what we still havent managed. If I sprain my ankle, a pain response happens to let me know that theres something wrong within my body. Yeah, theyre achieving or experiencing something amazing and you arent, but you care about them. If someone could improve his life, he spent as much time around them as possible. Im not suggesting you go Punisher on them, nor that you wish any ill fate upon them. If you cant muster up the ability to feel happy for this person for the brief period of time theyll have what you desire, then youll likely feel like a complete a**hole when they lose it, or when the opportunity ends. Speak to yourself kindly. Contact the university admissions office to understand more about your waitlist status. In other words, Lindsey takes that urge to make it all about her and makes it positive. When Im feeling out of sorts, or the weight of the world is bringing me down, I go out onto the range and loose arrows at some targets. The cornerstone of any healthy relationship is honesty. Be kind to yourself if you fall into the comparison trap, but know youre capable of climbing out of it. What about the loss hurts you the most? Understanding this and keeping this in mind will come in handy. Maybe you never help her professionally, but you frequently talk about her personal life while you eat lunch together, giving her a respite from working that re-energizes her when she gets back to her desks. Happiness itself would lose its meaning were it not for the contrast that we inevitably experience with sadness. As a result, try to focus on the fact that theyre getting an opportunity to experience joy, however fleeting it may be. The worse your situation and the worse your luck, the more its going to hurt seeing people around you accomplish that which you set out to accomplish yourself. Then redirect your focus to what you can attain or achieve. Generally, these people are filling their internal voids with stuff, or making huge life changes that they think are going to solve all their personal problems. your Thankfully, competition is healthy. Theyll try to stop you from being successful by chipping away at your self confidence and self esteem. This self-reflection may help you understand what really matters to you and inform your next steps. Everyone else will vary in how much they loathe you for beating them to the so-called finish line. You can show up for your friends and whats happening in their lives, even when its different from the reality you may have imagined. We want to know: How do you care for your mental health? When my shooting is off, thats an indicator that something is off balance within me. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Youre doing things that bring you joy or peace. The same goes for situations in which you might be expected to feel happy for others, but you dont. That item, that lover, that job some of the things we thought would make our lives perfect at the time ended up being more like a weight than a blessing. Quite often, what you once wanted more than anything else becomes pretty inconsequential after a while. How did things play out in the long run? How To Deal With Being Average: 8 No Bullsh*t Tips! So he sought out new friends, he went around to conventions and seminars to connect with people who had made something of themselves. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Paying closer attention to this emotional state can help you learn about your emotional needs and desires, and find new ways to achieve them. How To Stop Feeling Like A Loser: 12 No Bullsh*t Tips! If you have, then youve likely ended up looking like Chrissy Teigen at the Golden Globes: But there are things you can do to both express positive sentiments for them in a believable way and even to feel happy about what they have done or experienced or received. Ignoring someones issues to preserve a friendship is no more loving than callously judging them. The simplest reason as to why you cant be happy for others is that something is preventing you from being able to feel that kind of emotion. WebAnother reason your friend or partner might appear to enjoy your failures is because change is hard. This yearning for what cannot be can apply to material possessions, romantic relationships, families/children, health, strength, and just about everything else you can think of. If someone could drag him down, he never spent more than five minutes around them. Aristotle was one of the greatest minds to ever grace this beautiful Earth, but this was only so because he was constantly challenging himself and working to refine his talents. Additionally, how has this person been to you over the years? If you cant feel something right now because of life circumstances, or even because you arent in the headspace to feel much of anything, then you cant draw blood from a stone, so to speak. Secretly owning a little bit of their success, however, has made that ratio 95% and 5%. When you have a success, this likely means a change could be coming. He quickly noticed that all of the other friends he had hated hard work and had no desire to improve themselves. There will almost certainly be a gap of years between your success and that of your friends. When and if you hear that something wonderful is happening for someone, and you cant bring yourself to feel happy for them, wish them joy. Here's how to handle it. Your email address will not be published. You know how the worst things that have ever happened to you eventually came to an end? Thats usually the case for good things as well. Because they are trained to help people in situations like yours. Its these people that find it the hardest to hide their disappointment in your happiness because they dont really care whether or not you remain "friends." But moving away from this resenting envy can help you protect your friendships and celebrate the people that matter to you. If its at all possible in your circumstances, therapy is 100% the best way forward. Why Arent Your Friends Happy For You? INeedMotivation Still not sure how to be happy for others? Lets celebrate. (Id venture to guess that he doesnt feel particularly great when he makes these comments, and probably regrets them immediately after he says them, because he knows that taking his personal issues out on you only creates more problems.) If you want to do something but youre too depressed or anxious to pursue it, find a good therapist and get help so you can move forward. Lets expand upon the previous comparison to body positivity here. Unfortunately, these barriers and hurdles are a part of the game, and without developing skin thick enough to shield yourself from them, youll never attain your goals and dreams. They have inflexible expectations. Rather than insisting that you love your physical form no matter what, body neutrality means that you accept and care for your form, because it is what it is. If your friend is usually supportive, ignore their apathy and find different people Copyright 2022 Addicted2Success.com. You can always change direction in life, provided that you keep moving forward. Image description: Animated gif of a lady in a sparkly gown and mask surrounded by men bowing to her, with the words: BOW DOWN Share this: Email Facebook Reddit Twitter Tumblr Pinterest More Loading Related Gratitude is a force that attracts abundance, positivity, and joy into our lives. Your life will not always run on parallel tracks. You dont have to feel genuine happiness for someone if youre jealous, but sometimes you simply have to fake it for the sake of continued harmony. Why is that? This way, you can accept and make peace with the situation without losing any personal integrity by lying. And I suspect Im not the only one who has it (and wants to change it). These responses are outwardly positive, but personally neutral. There are many different reasons why you might not be able to feel happiness for others. Because, as humans, we crave social belongingness. He worked at a newspaper where his boss a writer named Sherwood Anderson helped him get his first novel published. They start measuring their own achievements, appearance, and so on, against the images and captions shared by others, and end up feeling like theyre coming up short. As an added bonus, if everyone blindly adheres to the good vibes only mantra, then nobody will have to deal with icky, unwanted situations like confrontation, or being held accountable for their awful actions. Why? That way, you wont have much time to mull over all the things that are going on in their life. One of the hardest things to do when youre feeling stuck: Show up for others who do seem to have it all together. You arent forcing yourself to feel love, nor do you feel hate because you wish it was different. This sort of behavior is easiest to see when in a large, densely populated city, like New York. You loved this person with all your heart, and they did something that shook you to your core. Look at other schools that have a similar reputation and network. The goal here is to pay attention to your emotions without shame or judgment when they show up. The good news: It is possible to genuinely cheer for others when youre not where you want to be. Those sort of things never happens to me. Talk to them when you can be completely calm, rational, and you know what you want to say. If you do the work of processing your emotions, it will help you understand that your friends success is not correlated to your setbacks. Follow him on twitter @bweyi. Acquaintances in New York are easily made and also have this tendency of forcing artificial friendship; people address you like an old friend, but in reality, dont really give a sh*t about you one way or another. Forewarned is forearmed. Identifying your emotions will help you replace your negative self-talk with a more realistic assessment of your feelings (and the situation).