And that now his family isdisappointed inme. Based on the way anxiety distorts reality and actual risk, I could easily not allow my children to participate in things or have small measures of independence. ), and Im excited to stay at Mandalay Bay because they have an aquarium. Business trips are a normal fact of life in many jobs. Bucks. OP, I saw one of your responses saying your husband is otherwise kind. I would have not reacted well to this if I were the best friend. Normal For Husband to Vacation Without Me? - FatherResource Without any business context then yeah, lots of people would object to that. So in addition to all his other faults, you then learned that he had asshole friends. Slot machines are boring, table games make me anxious, I dont like to lose money when I could shop with it instead. Marriage counseling implies that she has some part to play in this; individual therapy for him would help him manage his expectations of realistic safe behavior in a marriage and at work. Plus those casinos take forever to walk across and they are saturated in smoke, blech! I just want to come back to the point about where the first fear of his that you list off, OP, is that youre going to cheat on him. You cant leave the house, there are kidnappers everywhere! I wonder if he needs help with general anxiety rather than marriage counselling. Also conferences in Vegas are soul-crushingly awful and boring. Maybe he is just a lazy dude who wants to keep his cash cow working and under his thumb?? pathfinder: wrath of the righteous ending slides. I suspect he asked a leading question, something like My wifes company wants to send her to Vegas with a bunch of single guys who like to stay up late drinking. If your husband is otherwise kind and reasonable, its important to know that this is a very unusual stance for a spouse to take, so Im glad youre taking it seriously. But general anxiety on this level is still causing them problems and will in future if he cant get it under control. But its a pretty serious one-off. I think Alison handled it extremely well answering the direct AAM-style question (go on the trip for business reasons) while noting the disturbing indicators about marriage that require that kind of outside advice. +1 I think this is good advice! Travel tip: if you go into a bar whose name would make Hooters say whoa, too obvious and use your corporate AmEx to cut lines of coke, you are probably going to run into some trouble. Yeah, I sometimes hear about people who really want a job with a lot of work travel, or people who think being a flight attendant would be really glamorous, and Im just like meh. How Vacations Can Help or Harm Your Relationship Whether its legitimate is pretty much beside the point. Its not really a fun place to go for work. assigning women extra work to help them, calling out when youre in the ER, and more. Couples counselling isnt about sharing blame as it is figuring out problems in the relationship and working together to find solutions. I ate at the bars of a few nice restaurants. They figure the guys didnt want any young white foreigners getting caught up in some kind of scuffle but still Dont start trouble, you wont get trouble! You (both individually and as a family) need your income. There are a lot of people on vacation. I went for the first time over the summer. Someone this uptight probably doesnt have friends. After the day ended and we would go out to dinner, he would tell her that he was sure our company wouldnt approve of us going out to dinner on their dime. (Wed been given stipends and told to enjoy a cocktail after the eight-hour training). I know this is a long-shot, but anyone else think theres a real chance that this is the employee from this thread: https://www.askamanager.org/2017/03/my-employee-is-refusing-to-travel-because-her-husband-said-she-cant.html? At night, the most fun people have is maybe a different ink at a nearby bar otherwise theyre too tired and ttying to get their shit together for the next day ir for tomorrows flight. And who are all these people in his scientific study that are so against letting their SO go to Las Vegas for a business trip?? I know right? Armchair diagnosis of either is not useful, but it doesnt hurt to remind people of possible things to consider. I really hope he is able to get help and you are both able to get to a better way of engaging with each other on this. The irony is, for business trips, Vegas is essentially Disney. I am not fond of the recent uptick in stories like this or men and women who wont go on a business lunch alone because its with a member of the opposite sex. Itll be a cold day in Hell before my husband allows/gives me permission to do anything. Yeah, I had a boyfriend in college who Id started dating after being part of the same friend group as him for a long time. Im sure he must have good qualities, but this isnt one of them. Shopping! Depending on your husband's interests and how often you plan to visit the parks, there may be a pass that suits his needs. I think this is my problem with some of the suggestions that OP should bring her husband on the trip. But I believe that talking it out in clear terms is step one, at least. She then decided to keep the baby's gender a secret until it was born. There are broadly different American subcultures because there are just so many people. What to Expect supports Group Black and its mission to increase greater diversity in media voices and media ownership. DH and I took our little girl on a 14-hour car trip when she was 4 weeks old (she's 10 weeks now). My Husband Wants My Mother- In- Law on The Trip!!! There was no worry about that, my dad trusted her and knew she just needed a little break from being Mom and needed some time being Jane (not her real name) to recharge. I like backpacking/camping and my husband does not (at least, not for extended periods of time). I agree with this- even if she were able to somehow get out of the trip without professional repercussions, Im quite sure he would find something else to stress about and restrict her from owing to these kinds of irrational fears. You dont get an opinion on whether youre dumped!! Yeah, this seems so over the top Im having trouble thinking its just about relationship issues. I really hope it does lead to the OP getting help. Many of my colleagues bring their spouse on conferences as a mini vacay for the fun of exploring new cities. I have some of this kind of anxiety myself and totally understand where your wife is coming from. So yeah somethings just not right. Please whitelist our site to get all the best deals and offers from our partners. the religious environments patriarchal enough that it would be an inherent problem would ALSO have a problem with the woman being the one who works. Yeah Im kind of surprised people are acting like theyve never heard anything bad about Vegas. If the OP is part of running the conference/event, yep, theyll be lucky to find the time for 8 hours sleep each night. Asking for baseline respect should not be a fraught conversation. It got dark on my (2-hour!) Leave the argument and do that as consistently as you can. (The sales guy told her, its just like any other dance show, but at half the price and without the headdress! I recognized the name and tried to talk her out of it, but she believed the sales guy over me.) Much better is Lundy Bancrofts Why does he do that?. I was fine. I went two hours to the next town over for a Christmas party, and he spent days before hand stressing about everything that could go wrong on the highway. This is truly bizarre and worrying behavior on the husbands part. But I just wanted to let you know that there are at least two people in the world who definitively do not agree with your husband. So Vegas actually *is* pretty scandalous to a *lot* of people. So give yourself permission to stop trying, OP. From so many comments above, what people are missing here is that none of us knows whether the LWs husband is an anxiety sufferer or a control freak. Your husband has some very abnormal thoughts and I cant any scenario where you not going to Vegas has any bearing on the kind of warped thinking going on in his brain. If it's me, I would prefer stay home and rest till the baby gets older and low maintenance Do it!! Like fposte said the husband would only mention his friends opinions if it supported his own. Very true, which is why I separated the two as control/abuse; theyre not necessarily part of the same package. Its a him issue. You need your job and you need a good career trajectory, even assuming you and your husband stay together and nothing different happens in the future. Yeah, Vegas can be a skeezy place but I havent found it to be any worse than LA, Nashville, Cincinnati, New York, Seattle, Boston, or any of the other cities Ive been to. I meet family from California. This makes me MAD. Im just going to drop in some ideas and some strategies that have worked for me. Id do it again theres a mob museum and some other things Id like to see. FWIW, my husband went on a business trip to Vegas last year when I was pregnant and feeling like crap. Even if he does have some kind of anxiety disorder, he needs to recognize that this behavior isnt reasonable in a relationship, and marriage counseling is a great way to work out problems in a relationship. Dont get in a bike accident! Im pretty sure most religious counselors would see the ridiculousness of his position too. I just assumed hes lying about even asking anyone. But thats a separate issue. Its also fascinating, because it makes me wonder about his friends. Have never felt nervous yet. He thought I should take his moms feelings into consideration and realize that I wasnt just hurting him, but his family as well, and reconsider. In either case, I should have ended it. But my wife really worded it in a way to get the Im a crazy jealous husband. I think this is a little parochial, in fact. Or that he heard more agreement than was really being given by his friends? I lived in Ottawa, our nations capital and it all suburbs and boring. Your absence is the absence of any possible reward for his behaviour. I played the slots for all of 5 minutes and that was it. Keep in mind that your partner is occasionally on edge, as being polite throughout an entire family trip can feel like a job." AKA: Don't be surprised if your partner gets moody. Of course, it also relates to what the right wing media say, and its super-hard to tackle. As sinful as it gets, I tell ya! However, she expresses that love with some convoluted discussion about the risk of driving a car 8 miles from our home to downtown. Street photography! But Im not at all confident this is the source of the husbands issues :(. In most normal partnerships where you have shared responsibilities its not so much asking permission, as its checking in to make sure spouse doesnt need you For anything at that time. Super reasonable! Ill be finding myself an apartment when I get back from Vegas. Oh yeah, the concern for your safety. I didnt go on work trips while married to mine, but I remember going on a girls night out (bachelorette party, with a limo to take us places) and him being livid that I didnt call him during the evening to check in. The second I walked in the front door I thought this is exactly the type of place where the murder of the week happens in almost every episode. Take the same approach; its a problem affecting you both that you both want to fix. If you want to take PTO and extend your trip, please let me know and we can schedule your flights accordingly., Hehe even though were in DC, Xcorp still expects our employees to behave better than the politicians. She worries about me being out alone after dark and it gets dark at 4:30 p.m. in the winter here. Eventually I sat him down and said something along the lines of, Dude, youre stressing me out. Its just not reasonable to expect a spouse to not travel for business, and I cant imagine a whole group of people who would say such a thing. Not like us isnt automatically the same thing as toxic.. I belong to a profession that has an annual convention in Las Vegas. And there, the answer is clear: you have to go. I have one. I just saw the news about the mass shooting in Vegas. That leads me to believe his concerns are less altruistic. This is bound to make them curious and excited. Kidnappings, someone spiking your drink, etc. Well there it is. I had an ex tell me, just after I left him, that hed checked with his friends and they all agreed with him that I was behaving irrationally and crazily about everything I was upset about and had said was wrong with the relationship. But also, my aunt and uncle are pretty bigoted and I know they modeled the idea of a submissive wife and dominant husband for my cousin. I had half a day free so I went horseback riding in the desert (which was spectacular and I recommend to anyone). Setting up for a convention and working it and then the take down. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationmobile homes for rent in patterson, la. Youre five minutes late? Vegas isnt the problem here. Ive done that before too, and it was invaluable in setting healthy boundaries in a sane, functional manner. To me, that means childish. He and this whole situation is definitely unstable and unsustainable. Me: Um, what now? The letter writer specifically ASKED about anxiety. I think youre going to get a lot of pile on against your husband here I do hope you feel supported and not overwhelmed. It would never occur to him to equate a dang business conference held anywhere outside of a strip club with sexual abandon. I went just this month with my husband. Its probably rooted in a sexist view and I dont know who hes talking to everyone objects to their partners going because thats insane. 6. I hope you go to Vegas and find love with someone who doesnt treat you like property. You feel this way, youre affected in this way, you would like to see this happen, and so on. Significant others who mess with your career or education are bad news. I have a friend that refuses to go to Vegas because he believes its the modern Sodom and Gomorrah. Im handling it by biting the dog that bit me and hes not happy. It gives him something else to focus on, so he isnt sitting on the couch by himself, watching TV and brewing in anxiety. He should not be demanding that you refuse to go on a business trip and unleashing all of this unfounded anxiety on you. I remember being like, What would I even DO with all this space? ha! Case in point: my father is terrified of everyone he loves dying and leaving him alone, to the point where I, as a 32 year old, was expected to text him and let him know when I left work, when I got home from work, if I was going out, if I was changing locations, etc. I dont even know what city he is in sometimes just because he will tell me about five trips at once and I cannot remember which is what week.