7. Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. You made an 11 on a Par 3 hole? The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. The guys who come I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. Do you know why the game is called golf? He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. They have been there where we are standing now. Putter Around. Besides that, I love to explore. What is a golfers favorite bird? My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. Would you like to see my Slazenger along with my freshly cleaned balls? At the golf corpse! Your email address will not be published. My three keys to success: One, work hard. If you think it's hard to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball on the Intercourse! The other 20. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. I never learned anything from a match that I won. Bobby Jones, 62. Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. I was actually enjoying it. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. had to choose, right ? If you dont take it seriously, its no fun, if you do, it breaks your heart. Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? He went up to her, talked to her, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. Golf is the easiest game in the world. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't All Spiritual Signs & Inspirational Signs, TV Stands, Media Tables, & Media Furniture, The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. 21. Palmer calmly said, What the hell do you want it to back up for?. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Pick your favorite one from more than 86 quotes about funny golf with images and use it wherever you like. Everyday I'm Schauffele. Wodehouse How the heck did that happen? Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. Go to the golf course. Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. 1. How far do you hit it? said Palmer. Share these images with quotes about funny golf with family, friends, mates, colleagues, and all your acquaintances. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't 150 Hilarious Golf Jokes And Puns 'Fore' Everyone Originally posted by raffa nunyez. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. The lowest score wins. I like big putts and I cannot lie. 20. As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. Thats incredible. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I had to choose, right?" Funny Jokes - Dirty Golf Sayings So I thought I should start a website about jokes. 21+ Best Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines - Best Jokes and Puns 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation After 18 holes I can barely walk. GOLF DIGEST MAY EARN A PORTION OF SALES FROM PRODUCTS THAT ARE PURCHASED THROUGH OUR SITE AS PART OF OUR AFFILIATE PARTNERSHIPS WITH RETAILERS. How would you like to do something I won't do for anyone on the PGA tour? Why are golf and sex so similar? Knock, knock "Damn, my shaft is all bent." Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. On a golf course, nature is neutered. Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. When is it too wet to play golf? Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. Steve Alten, Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. Dirty Golfing Quotes Joke, Sick Golfing Quotes Jokes, Funny Golfing Paul Gallico, I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. In case he gets a hole in one. 49 Dirty Quotes and Sayings You Must Pay Attention Noah golf pro who can fix your swing? Knock, knock What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! SO why does the golfer carry two shirts? I Am Shuvo Saha. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? What does a golfer do on his day off? Here, have a carrot! Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. See photos about 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes from Golf Digest You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. Funny Golf Quotes You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do. Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins? It's included here because of the hilarious mental image it evokes. You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. Well, what can you really say about the great Chi Chi Rodriguez's quote? Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). 5. Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? A great shot is when you pull it off. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." Golfs three ugliest words: Still your shot. Dave Marr, 36. Who do golfers pay tribute to on the 4th of July? However, every person playing the game has the basis of good mental skills for golf. I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. Their fore-fathers! Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Tiagra. 8. Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. I was off to-day! Your second mental problem is concentration. Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. Whos there? Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. 20. Grip the club as if you were holding a baby bird. Sam Snead, 58. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? "If you break 100, watch your golf. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. Like chess, golf is a game that is forever challenging but can never be conquered. Harvey Penick, 10. 1. Such is the game. Whats the difference between golf and sex? Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. Keep your head down. They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. Nay! "Gunga galunga gunga, gunga-galunga." Wash your balls. They have a hard drive. I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! The little ball that sat motionless, defying you to hit it. Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); A fan in the crowd said Mr. One fine day, John and Don are out golfing when John slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. I am a Musician. What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? I'm pretty good with my short putts. What Is The Difference Between a Golf Skirt and a Tennis Skirt? Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. It will test your patience. Boo who? To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. Weve put together a list of our favorite jokes, golf puns, and one-liners you can bust out on the course, the range, or the pub to try and laugh off that 102 you just shot. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? 67 GOLF INSTAGRAM CAPTIONS Funny 2021 List for Golf Lover! You swing left and the ball goes right. I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. When a golfer lies, he doesnt have to bring any proof home. Lorii Myers, Long, long afterward, in a whin / I found the golf-ball, black as sin / But the five shillings are missing still! Hitting the ball well is about thirty percent of it. Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. 65 Best Golf Quotes for Inspiration and Motivation Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken. "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. I just havent played yet. Muhammed Ali, I mean, who else could say something like this? Eight. My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. The smile looks really good on you. Beyond this, the comedian and violinist (an epic combination) made the above joke about golf. When your golf cart capsizes. George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. I know what to look for. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. That's why I'm hoping you, Bleacher Report readers, will add some of your own content in the comments. Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. Your email address will not be published. I never prayed that I would make a putt. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. They like cricket better. Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? Golfs a game where you shout, FOUR! and score a seven, while writing down a five. In case he gets a hole in one. Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. And that thought is: Dont think. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". All through the night they made wild love together. What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. He looked at his caddie and said, Ive played so badly all day, I think Im going to drown myself in that lake., The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, Im not sure you could keep your head down that long.. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. Its not just enough to swing at the ball. I'm still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing. 3 of 10. As in, surf the web, gather knowledge, and share them. If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. ~ Sijin Bt. So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Is the word spelled P-U-T or P-U-T-T? She asked her instructor. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Sunday Service. Ewan McGregor, It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver! I give the ball some sweet talk. I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. Man: Please dont go. Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke thats why weve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about! 75 Hilarious Golf Puns and One-Liners That Don't Suck Jim Murray. I chipped in from the rough! David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. I'm Tiger Woods. Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. Happy Gilmore. The end. Golf is a lot like life. P. G. Wodehouse, The difference between a good golf shot and a bad one is the same as the difference between a beautiful and a plain woman a matter of millimeters. All the fans are gone! A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. Golf is a game that is special and unique in that there is always something to learn. Sick of the same tired old golf puns and gags? Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. No matter how badly you play, always remember its possible to play even worse. Is everything okay?. "Hockey is a sport for white men. Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. These funny golf quotes and images coming from famous wise people are the most precious words worth sharing. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! If I learn that you are a fan of diving - I would suppose that your psychological portrait includes such features as curiosity, patience, and insistence. Because it would interrupt their tea time. 1. 80+ Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings - CoolNSmart What is the difference between a fisherman and a golfer? "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. / It is a gait he only knows / When he has on his golfing clothes. 2. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. Nuts! Golfing is a lot like masturbation. John shouts back in a nervous voice, Throw me my 8-iron! There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Clubbing. course sometime. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. Have fun. After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. He said. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play where it lies." Bobby Jones 23. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you. You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. Check it out now! Just ask my ex -wives. Whats the shortest distance between the tee and the hole? Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? Do you share these funny golf jokes? Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. Gardner Dickinson, Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious. Success depends almost entirely on how effectively you learn to manage the games two ultimate adversaries: the course and yourself. Jack Nicklaus, 45. 21 FUNNIEST Golf Jokes 2023 (with Puts and Puns) - Jokes Quotes Factory "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". It can be rewarding. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote. "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? Wanna be my caddy? Missed the ball and sank the divot. 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